I had a pretty good grip on what life was meant to look like.
1. Be born 2. Go to school 3. Get married 4. Get a job 5. Have kids 6. Raise kids 7. Retire 8. Die
I’d absolutely aced the first one, the second one I did an average job at, the third one I hit it out of the park, the fourth one was coming together nicely and the fifth one…..
Sitting in the infertility specialists office reviewing the results of my analysis, I heard the doctor make a quick passing comment, a comment that demolished my expectations for five and six. “So really there’s not much we can do, testosterone supplements won’t make any difference, IVF won’t work. Adoption is your only option really.” No! That’s not how it’s meant to go. We were meant to be married, have our own kids that look like mini versions of us, that grow up with our mannerisms and and and…
I’m a plan man. I have a to-do list for every day, and an overall list for the week, I work through it systematically. I write annual goals and I achieve them. I had a plan for my life and I was getting through the stages relatively well. Then for a doctor to turn around and say “your sperm count is 0.0000002% of what it should be and there is no fix for that.”
What had the doctor just said? There’s no way he could be right. The test results must have got mixed up. There’s a way to fix my problem. I’ll get healed and we’ll be pregnant in a couple months, we’ll be back on track with my life plan because God is a good God, and I know he’ll heal me, right? Then God uttered two words. But. God. Perfect, that means I’ll be healed! No. At least not yet.
Some times the but God is actually not our plan finally being realised, but it’s God’s first plan coming into place.
If you do a quick search online, you’ll find thousands more pages devoted to female infertility rather than male. It’s a rarely talked of subject, perhaps because the cure is unknown. There’s plenty of solutions to female infertility that will usually work, but if testosterone levels are normal in a man, there’s really nothing more that they can do. Researching these pages looking for the one that had the answer to your problem seemed like a maze going around in circles. I wouldn’t have minded if my bride was infertile, we can totally figure something out. But me? I was not going to be the reason we would not have our own biological kids. But I was.
Infertility sucks. There’s no way of making it seem better than it is, there’s nothing good about it. But we’re writing this blog to show that there is indeed good that can come from it. God’s story and plan for our life didn’t stop at the doctor’s passing comment. Instead, it is opening us up to the world of adoption and the pursuit of our children with God and each other.
We’ll spend more time digging into the process that we worked through as a couple, but the week following the most devastating news of our life was the best week of our marriage yet. I’m guessing, though, that the first days we get to hold our baby in our arms will make that doctor’s meeting seem like a distant memory.