You’d expect for the week after the doctor’s diagnosis to have been very difficult. You’d be absolutely right. It was a very hard and emotional week for both of us. For my bride, it was coming to the realisation that her dream of pregnancy, and having our very own babies wouldn’t be in our future. For me, it was knowing that I was the reason our dreams would be unfulfilled.
We could have allowed ourselves to spiral into a whirlwind of self-pity. We could have become angry towards God. Jane had every right to be furious at me.
But, none of that happened. Don’t get me wrong, we were devastated. Speaking to our family in person and to our family in England on Skype, we were in floods of tears. It seemed as though our dreams were drifting into the distance and we had no way of catching them.
Self-pity was a route we could have easily gone down, inviting everyone to feel sorry for us, becoming inward focused and and and… Unfortunately that rarely accomplishes anything decent. We’re both pretty driven people, and when someone throws a barrier up and says something is impossible, we’re the type to say, ‘absolutely not! After all with God all things are possible! Right?’
We could have gotten angry at God. We could have been mad. Torn our bibles up and thrown them out. We could have decided that God is not a good God because he took from us the one thing we had been praying for religiously every night since our wedding night. If He loved us, surely He would allow us to get pregnant and have biological babies, correct? We could have turned all our attention to being mad at God, or we could have just turned around and seen the amazing plan that God was orchestrating right behind our backs all along.
Shortly after the meeting, I began to think how mad Jane would be at me. She would see that I was the only problem in this situation. Not in my gorgeous girl’s eyes. We’re one, and so as she immediately recognized, this was not my problem to deal with. This was something that belonged to both of us, and something that we got to walk through together. It wasn’t me that had the problem with infertility, we were walking that road together. Sure, medically speaking I was the one with the issue, but spiritually speaking, this was our issue. And somehow, our amazing God was able to reveal that to her the instant we heard the words from the doctor’s mouth.
I never felt any resentment, any anger, any disappointment aimed at me. Sure, we resented the situation, we were angry at the problem, and disappointed with the reality of it. But we walked through it together, not in retaliation to each other, blaming for this or that. It was quite a beautiful journey.
The day after we found out, I was in the middle of teaching and realised there was no way I could make it through the day. We needed to be together, and to spend quality time processing this. We dropped everything headed to the family vacation house so that we could find some space to be quiet and process our thoughts. So ensued the most amazing weekend away together. We stayed up to the early hours of the morning, at first crying, then talking, and by the end of it laughing hysterically as we began to unveil the story that God was writing for us. It was one of the most precious, valuable and beautiful moments in our marriage. We were in more unity than we had ever experienced. Isn’t it amazing how the pain that rips our hearts apart can sew us together closer than anything else can?
This is a story that we look forward to sharing with you. A story of beauty from ashes. A story of how God brought our family together from nothing. A story of a child being rescued and adopted into our new family.