Wednesday, October 28, 2015
You haven’t heard from us in a while. Not for a lack of things happening, but more because we wanted to respect the privacy of someone who became very dear to us. We want to share that story now, because at no point have we wanted to walk this journey alone. Thanks for coming along with us.
It was a sunny August day and we were on our way to Chelan, WA with my brother, sister-in-law, nephews and niece all in tow. The adoption phone rang, and with haste we answered. On the other end of the line, was a teenage girl, let’s call her Lucy – she had found us online, and knew that we were the ones to raise the child growing inside of her! We were completely stunned. Just like that, everything was on – action stations, a baby is coming! Lucy was a Christian girl in a difficult situation, and had asked God what to do; God pointed her towards adoption. It was incredible! We pulled over on the winding mountain pass road, and shouted to my family in the neighbouring car, “We’re adopting in February!” Celebrations, tears and a party ensued. We couldn’t believe this was really happening!
A few days later, we had the pleasure of driving back over the pass to her hometown in northern Washington. We ended up getting to spend several hours with both Lucy, and the birth father/ex-boyfriend. We sat around the restaurant table, all four of us in tears at how God had brought us together. They, a couple who were unable to raise a child at this time, and we, a couple ready, but unable to conceive. We prayed with them, we thanked God for them unceasingly, and agreed to meet the following week.
A week later, we headed north once again, and had an amazing time with Lucy and her mom. Her mom was interested in who we were, what we believed and wanted to know that her daughters child would be in safe hands. We formed a good relationship with both of them, and were so excited to see what God was doing in this adoption story! God was truly rescuing a child from a broken situation, and promising us our first child.
A week later, we met Lucy at the hospital for a life-changing moment. The moment you get to hear your child’s heartbeat for the first time. It was strong and it was amazing! There really was a baby inside there, and it was a blessing to be with the doctor who was so supportive of the adoption, and Lucy who was so excited to have us in the room.
Another two weeks passed by and we again travelled to the hospital, this time for the ultrasound. The technician waved her wand of Lucy’s ever-growing bump, and we sat there in great anticipation with Lucy, and her mom, before we heard the news, “It looks like you’re having a baby… BOY!” We were jubilant, and so excited. Everything ‘boy’ started going through our heads, we picked up some baby boy clothes on the way home, and the planning began on the nursery. What would it look like? What would the colours be? What would the theme of it be? Let the planning commence…
That night, several friends came over for a gender reveal party. We were celebrating with friends and family both near and far. Our dream was finally coming true! The dream we had fought for several years since getting married. Here we were, celebrating God’s faithfulness to us through all of this.
We’ve built an incredible relationship with Lucy, to the point of being able to pray with her regularly, helping her enroll at college, going to all the midwife/OB appointments, and having the privilege of walking each and every step with her so closely. Our family also stepped in with us to be whatever help they could to Lucy. What a privilege. From the day we heard from her for the first time, we both knew that God wanted us to give fully to this. Reserving love was not an option in this process. If this baby were truly to be ours to raise, we would want to walk each step of the way as closely as possible. We were walking in faith with each step knowing that at any time the floor could be pulled from below us, with a simple change of her mind.
Last night was that moment.
It was a cold October night and we received a text from Lucy. At 11:30pm she had decided to move away and was keeping the baby.
And just like that, everything was lost. This boy that we had been praying for every day for the past 12 weeks was gone. It was an honour to hear the beat of his heart. It was a privilege to feel him kick. It was incredible to plan our nursery. And now we are devastated. Completely broken. All the questions that could go through your head, have been going through ours in the past 12 hours. What did we do wrong? What should we have done better? Why, God? First you tear our hearts apart with infertility, and now you tear us from the child we have grown to love.
We drove over to where she was staying, and sent her a text asking to see her, but she didn’t want to be confronted. We didn’t want to confront. We wanted to give her a hug, and say goodbye. She said that would be ok, so we went inside, and there was Lucy, in floods of tears. Jane sat down next to her, and gave her the biggest hug — how she held it together for those precious 10 minutes, I have no idea. We spoke truth over her, knowing that the situation she was walking into was not an easy one. We told her, “You are an amazing woman, you are brave, you are treasured, you are loved. Don’t let anyone tell you different. We respect you for making this hard decision and we love you. Stay safe, and look after this baby boy.” We prayed for her, and left the house.
Then we fell apart, the one thing we had been focusing our attention on and dreaming for, was gone, just like that. We drove home and stayed up late, crying and asking God, “WHY?” until around 3am. At 6am, the garbage truck came by as it does loudly every week, and I woke up instantly in floods of tears, thinking that there was a chance this was all a nightmare. At that moment, I realised just how real this was.
God has many of us in a waiting game, whether we are waiting to get married, waiting to buy a home, waiting to have kids, waiting to retire, perhaps even waiting for heaven. We can view the waiting time, like we view a waiting room at the DMV, or perhaps the Post Office. Or we can live life fully through the waiting time. It’s not an easy choice to make, especially the longer the waiting takes. But there is beauty in dancing our way through the line, no matter what it takes, or how long we are there for. Choose to dance through the wait.
Today has been incredible and is the very real proof of how being so involved in community and family is such a miracle. 20+ people have come through our home today with flowers, cards but most importantly hugs. Words don’t do a whole lot right now, but just being with friends and family has been incredible. We had a number of friends join us this evening for a time of worship. I felt compelled to invite whoever was free to join us, for a time of thanking God in the midst of this storm. It was such a powerful time, and one thing that stood out to me was God saying, “Remember this day.” Remember this day when you thought all was lost, when you thought all had fallen apart. Remember this day.
This is a process, and it’s only just begun. Right now we look like a whole lot of mess, and are struggling to see God in all of this. But we wanted to let you know what has happened, even though we don’t know why.
Please pray for strength and wisdom for us, and for safety over Lucy and this precious baby boy.
“The Lord gave, and the Lord has taken away; blessed be the name of the Lord.” Job 1:21.
Remember this day.