Friends, things are getting really real.
We are T-minus seven days before our little snowflake baby is transferred to my womb.
Did I actually just type that? It’s so surreal.
As I write this, I am looking out our bedroom window at the beams of light streaming in from the sunset in the west. I am reminded of God’s faithfulness throughout every day that the sun has risen and set on our marriage. (And all of time, for that matter).
Psalm 113 is so fitting:
You who serve God, praise God!
Just to speak his name is praise!
Just to remember God is a blessing—
now and tomorrow and always.
From east to west, from dawn to dusk,
keep lifting all your praises to God!
God is higher than anything and anyone,
outshining everything you can see in the skies.
Who can compare with God, our God,
so majestically enthroned,
Surveying his magnificent
heavens and earth?
He picks up the poor from out of the dirt,
rescues the wretched who’ve been thrown out with the trash,
Seats them among the honored guests,
a place of honor among the brightest and best.
He gives childless couples a family,
gives them joy as the parents of children.
From east to west, from dawn to dusk, keep lifting all your praises to God! … He gives childless couples a family, gives them the joy as parents of children.
Oh, that we would continue to speak His name in praise.
Currently, I’m hopped up on hormones and drugs, doing everything I can to make sure my body is the most ready it can be to serve as a comfy home for our little snowflake.
We received word on March 24th that the little embryo was officially ours! On April 8th, I went in to the fertility clinic to see my doctor for a practice transfer and evaluation. This was when I was checked out to make sure that everything looked good and that the transfer will be possible. The doctor was encouraged and set everything in motion for the transfer. Four weeks and a bunch of medication later, Arundel and I are ready and waiting for this precious little snowflake to find its home.
We have the third and final ultrasound tomorrow morning, where they will confirm that everything is okay to continue on track for a transfer date of Tuesday, May 17th! Then, we will wait two weeks, then go in for a blood test and sit by our phone anxiously awaiting the results — whether or not I am pregnant.
So, one week from this very moment, our little embryo will be safe inside my womb, and we will be praying for its growth.
It’s a very exciting prospect. For years, Arundel and I had thought that I would never be pregnant due to infertility. It was one of the things that I really had to lay down on the altar before the Lord — to accept that I wouldn’t birth our children. And I did — God gave me the grace to embrace that fact and to enjoy the adoption process. I learned how to allow my broken heart to really heal, and not just callus over. To trust that our process would still be just as special, just as personal. To believe that God could grow our hearts to love the journey we have walked and not just endure it.
I learned all the things that I need for this current week. This week of preparing, in mind and body — this week of anticipation and excitement and joy. I have what I need to get through this week, and more importantly, the two weeks after it. I have the seed of what I will need for the rest of my life as a mother. I learned how to hold hopefulness and apprehension in both hands, and to give them both to the Lord. I learned how to receive heartache and blessing from the same faithful God. I learned how to fight — not only for the outcome we desire, but for the way in which we walk to that gift.
That’s the most crazy part of all of this…we don’t know what will happen next week. We don’t know if it will be the start of an amazing little life who will change us forever, or if it will be another stone of heartache in our path with God.
But we are confident in His faithfulness. We are filled with faith and assurance. We are speaking life over my womb and over our little one. We are believing for miracles and more miracles. We are choosing to step into that shaking place of trust where there is only one way to be: all in.
So, we are speaking truth over our lives and declaring the praises of our God.
The God who “picks up the poor from out of the dirt, rescues the wretched who’ve been thrown out with the trash, seats them among the honored guests… gives childless couples a family, gives them joy as the parents of children.”
Will you believe with us?